My Opinion

Adriana Malkova is a simple Czech girl, skipping through the lush meadowland hills of Bohemia, singing native Czech tunes while taking care of a large brood of blonde children, hiding from the Nazis, and posing for dirty naked pictures. Okay, so she isn’t like that. Except for the last part. But she could be. If you send in that kind of request, she and her team could decide to make that fantasy come true. That’s not what absoluteadriana.com is completely about, but there are features there where they can hear about that sort of request and maybe act on it. But if you’re not fixated on that specific fantasy, then this site definitely has something else to offer a porn hound like you.

The $24.95 a month membership fee takes you to the Absolute Adriana members’ Home page, where you find the latest news from Adriana and the site’s developers, some of the latest gallery updates, and the top-of-the page links to My Photos, Czech Babes, My Friends, Fan Forum, and Support.

Let’s head over to My Photos first. This, obviously, is the heart of the site. The lusty, throbbing heart, dripping with the wet dream fantasies of thousands of fully-erect admirers. Here is where we find Adriana in lush, crisp and very professional photo shoots that capture every glorious curve and nook of her body in various stages of undress. Being a Hustler and Penthouse model, you know she knows how to pose, and that she’s not about to hide anything. And you can find those unhidden parts of her body in JPEGS that are 1600 X 1065 pixels in Hi-Res mode, or 800 X 602 size as Lo-Res. That’s nice and clear close-ups of her trim quim, even in Lo-Res.

These photos fill up around 6 pages, with 12 galleries per page (except last one, which has 5), and these gallery thumbnails give you a choice of Hi and Low-Res Gallery, and Hi and Low-Res Zip Download. Additional info such as how many pictures are in each gallery is also given. Nice touches, especially the ZIP downloads. Still, the navigation’s not without its quirks. Galleries open in a new window, and pressing Home closes that window when you’re through with it. But what I don’t like about navigating around here is that you can only go backwards and forwards. There are no page numbers, plus they use icons as buttons in the gallery itself, not words. That’s needlessly complicating things, especially since it doesn’t work that way in the home page.

The Czech Babes section contains… you guessed it -- Czech babes. What I like here is they sometimes come in pairs, so the site isn’t totally devoid of sex scenes. (Adriana doesn’t fool around much, it seems.) This sector has 3 pages, at 12 galleries per page, except the last one again, which has only 1 gallery. So that’s only 25 archives, because this feature just started September of this year.

Missing anything? Something feels weird about this review, doesn’t it? That’s right! No Videos! It’s been a long time since I’ve been to a site that contains no movie content at all. Looks like Adriana still thinks she’s working for a magazine, ‘cause I don’t think she knows how important video content can be to the horny riff-raff out there on the internet.